Healthy Living

Houseplant Confidential: Tips for Sharing Space with Things that Grow

Nothing adds a splash of color, vibrancy and style to a room like a thriving house plant. Maintenance of indoor plants, however, can be eerily similar to the maintenance of relationships with other living beings. While some are fussy, requiring exact conditions of light, temperature and feedings to thrive---those elegant, pricey ficus trees come to mind---others are almost ridiculously low maintenance, delivering consistent good looks and excellent companionship with minimal effort.

Since it’s usually not possible to actually date a plant before you commit to allowing it to move in with you, the best advice is to READ THE LABEL. If it says morning light is optimal and you have only south-facing windows available, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can mimic natural conditions with an elaborate system of shades and rotating placement. “Cool location with bright light”? Believe it. Plants with very specific growing instructions do not lend themselves to negotiation. Ignore their neediness at your own peril. In the end---which will come all too quickly--you will be disappointed and shamed not only of the money you have wasted but also your woeful inability to keep the things alive.

Beyond compatibility, you must also consider scale and size. A large, healthy indoor plant can be a spectacular focal point and add an extra dose of oxygen to the room, to boot. But fashionably large greenery gains you nothing if you are continually forced to brush overhanging fronds away from your dinner plate. Upon rising to the restroom, guests should not feel compelled to mutter, “Excuse me” to looming foliage with no concept of personal space. Choose indoor plants as you would choose any other decorative accessory, with an eye for appropriateness.

Should you take the leap and engage in indoor plant ownership, keep in mind that they will benefit from an occasional dusting just like any other surface in your home. While you don’t want to manhandle them, they are tougher than you think. Gentle pressure from a microfiber dusting tool or soft-bristled brush attachment on a vacuum cleaner approximates the motion of wind and rain they would receive outdoors, and the resulting cellular activity in their leaves and stems is beneficial, having a strengthening effect.

In addition, it’s a good idea to take indoor plants outside in pleasant weather once in a while for a light shower from a garden hose or watering can. If that isn’t possible, place them in the bathtub or shower occasionally for the same treatment.

For easy vacuuming around a plant, and to prevent water marks on floors or carpets, keep the pot in a saucer which then sits upon a short stand with wheels.

To prevent the kind of overwatering that results in leakage all over your carpet or tabletops, try watering into the saucer that holds the plant’s container, which gives you a quicker indication of when the soil is saturated. Some plants actually prefer this method.
If a plant is accidentally overturned and the soil that falls out of it is damp, let it dry before vacuuming it up. This will prevent a muddy, smeared mess on your carpet or floor.

Above all: Know thyself. If you really don’t have an interest in maintaining an ongoing, loving relationship with indoor plants, cut them and yourself a break and give them away to a green-thumbed neighbor. Remember, too, that more plants die from overwatering than underwatering---a case of owners who love too much, if you will. There is absolutely no shame in quietly thanking a plant for its longsuffering service and releasing it to the compost pile. Nothing is more depressing, after all, than a half-dead fern limping along in your living room, surrounded by a pathetic circle of brown, curled leaves. Breathe deeply and let it go. Then replace it with a really good silk imitation, or nothing at all.